Tuesday, April 10, 2012

One Armed Bandit

I had surgery on my left wrist two weeks ago. Fortunately, I am right handed, otherwise my darling husband would be hating me right now as I am left-hand-stupid. (Read- I can't do a damn thing right with my left hand.) The doc said I can't use that arm except for my fingers. Might as well have said not to use it at all!

For the first 4 days after surgery, I couldn't take my own blood sugar or give my own insulin. Talk about frustrating!

Me: "Honey?"

Darling Husband: "Yes, dear?"

Me: " I need to check my sugar and take my Lantus."

DH: (Grumbling...)

Me: (Grinning...)

By the fifth day, I had to do something. After much experimenting and several pokes that hurt like H3LLand didn't give up any goods, I found that by getting very creative, with one elbow, teeth and contortions of my right hand, I could manage a blood sugar. On to insulin!

I managed to crack that mystery also. That included careful balancing of said insulin between my partially numb thumb and hand, drawing up carefully with the right hand then dropping the vial in my lap.

I felt like I had solved string theory after I did it the first time! As I looked at the perfectly filled syringe, a disturbing thought trickled into my head. "How on earth am I gonna get this in me?" Any one that 'shoots up' knows that is a two handed process. I only have one right now! And it's not like I have any fat on me to speak of. After some creative cursing, then some creative thought, I found that I can 'pinch up' some fat, enough for my short needle anyway. Let's just say it's not good for my posture and I look like I'm having a seizure, and leave the rest to your imagination!

Fast forward a week to lunchtime today. Counted up my carbs, figured the dose and drew it up,  Then it hit me. Pre surgery, I could have just 'pinched and poked' right there at the table and no one would have noticed. Post surgery, every little thing I do has been miraculously transformed into a comedic production! I hate to leave the table after my coworkers and I had just sat down, but off I went! Fortunately, the restroom was empty at the time. Gyrations complete, insulin administered, I returned to the table.

I forgot the basic rule of becoming a One Armed Bandit, think EVERYTHING through, first step to last, so you don't get stuck in the middle! Pretty good metaphor for a lot of things in life, don't you think?

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