Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The BEST (worst?) News Ever!

I saw the endo for the first time today. I've been diagnosed with D for 3.5 years and finally got around to seeing her. I think she is fabulous! She looked at all 113 lbs of me and said, "Based on what you've told me, you are a Type 1." I was so relieved when she said that. So relieved in fact, that I had to tell her just that! It was the best news I could have gotten! It's been a long, LONG, LONG road of self advocacy and trial and error to get to here. To have the Dragon named is so incredibly AWESOME! Of course she drew labs to confirm, but I am so positive that it is now the correct diagnosis.


It's the worst news ever, too. I mean, I was just diagnosed with a chronic, lifelong disease that I CANNOT ignore or it will kill me. End of discussion, game over, no more me.


And I'm relieved that I have it? How strange is that? Name one person who has been relieved to be told they can loose a leg or go blind or have a stroke/heart attack? Not one.

I guess you could say I'm a little conflicted. OK, that was a HUGE understatement, I'm seriously conflicted. I've been so focused on what's really going on that I never thought to look to the future. Some of the random thoughts that have occurred to me in the last 12 hours since I was in her office:
  • What is the average life span for T1D?
  • I've been in health care for 15years, and I have NEVER taken care of a T1D. My friend has been a nurse for about the same length of time. She can think of 1 and that was a child. Where are the "old" T1D's?
  • If there are "old" T1D's out there, where are they? Are they being well taken care of? Who manages their disease for them?
  • Will they still let them have pumps or do they have to give that up and rely on injections again? 
  • If there aren't any "old" T1D's, what does that mean? If it means anything.
  • What happens if I get dementia, who will take care of me? Can anyone do as good a job as I do taking care of me?
  • Holy crap, I've just gotten terrified of growing old!
Do T1D's get to do this?
I know when everything sinks in, in a few days, or over the next few months as we move forward obtaining a CGM and getting rolling with a pump, I'll get over these fears. The more I think about them, though, I realize that they are valid, incredibly valid questions, that I'm going to need answers to.

I go back to the endo in 6 weeks, to see how her changes are going, and I think I'm going to have to open that particular Pandora's Box. I need to know.

On a lighter note, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I overheard the doc talking about me to her nurse in the hallway. She said I was "really, really nice" and had "self advocated herself on to insulin and getting in here". It was so nice to hear, she sounded proud of me. What a cool feeling from someone I just met!

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